Relationships

I went to an Elder's quorum activity this morning. We had several different trainings. One was given by a marriage and family therapist named Daron. He trained on relationships and how to be properly attentive and responsive. I think I learned more about relationships in that 20 minutes than I ever have in any activity or dating workshop I've ever attended.

The thing that stood out most to me was that we need to just listen sometimes rather than offer solutions.

Daron gave us this example:

A girl comes to her boyfriend (or husband) and says, "Angie found out what I said about her and I'm super embarrassed. I'm afraid it's going to damage our friendship."

The boyfriend/husband can answer one of two ways:

1. "Why don't you just call her and apologize?"
2. "Wow. That sounds super complicated. I'm sorry you're in that situation."

In this case, the girl isn't really looking for your advice (unless she specifically asked for it). What she really wants is consolation and empathy. I, being somewhat insensitive, would have probably been dumb and responded with the first option.

So what?

Listening is the most important thing in a relationship. Listening is essential to good communication.

Now what?

I started dating a girl about three weeks ago. Now I know how to appropriately respond when she comes to me with a problem. I will offer solutions only when she specifically asks. Otherwise, I will simply listen with genuine concern and try to be understanding.