Relationships

I went to an Elder's quorum activity this morning. We had several different trainings. One was given by a marriage and family therapist named Daron. He trained on relationships and how to be properly attentive and responsive. I think I learned more about relationships in that 20 minutes than I ever have in any activity or dating workshop I've ever attended.

The thing that stood out most to me was that we need to just listen sometimes rather than offer solutions.

Daron gave us this example:

A girl comes to her boyfriend (or husband) and says, "Angie found out what I said about her and I'm super embarrassed. I'm afraid it's going to damage our friendship."

The boyfriend/husband can answer one of two ways:

1. "Why don't you just call her and apologize?"
2. "Wow. That sounds super complicated. I'm sorry you're in that situation."

In this case, the girl isn't really looking for your advice (unless she specifically asked for it). What she really wants is consolation and empathy. I, being somewhat insensitive, would have probably been dumb and responded with the first option.

So what?

Listening is the most important thing in a relationship. Listening is essential to good communication.

Now what?

I started dating a girl about three weeks ago. Now I know how to appropriately respond when she comes to me with a problem. I will offer solutions only when she specifically asks. Otherwise, I will simply listen with genuine concern and try to be understanding.

Making this Blog Worthwhile

Trying to come up with this blog on the spot every week is starting to get complicated. Every Saturday I think, "Ah man! I haven't posted my blog for M COM yet." That moment happened again just three minutes ago. This blog assignment is like an annoying little dog that keeps coming back no matter how far you throw the stick. I like the assignment but I don't think I'm going about it right.

So what?

I am not giving this assignment enough attention to really get some meaning out of it. I am not thinking about it at all except when I'm going to turn it in.

Now what?

I need to be aware during the week of experiences that I can write about. Then I don't have to sit here at the computer and try to remember what I learned during the week. Usually my brain is so fried by Saturday that remembering experiences becomes difficult.

If I have this assignment in mind during the week, then I can jot a simple reminder in my notebook anytime that I learn something valuable. When it comes time to post this blog, I can flip through my notebook and actually write something worthwhile. When I write something worthwhile, I will actually be moved to do something worthwhile as a result of this blog assignment.

I think that's the whole point.

Dress and Appearance Count

My M COM team and I gave an oral presentation in class this week. I was super nervous because, although we had run through the presentation a couple of times, ums and ahs were still apparent. I knew my segment well, but I have the tendency to rock back and forth on my feet when I speak in front of audiences. We had done our research well and written and excellent report. Now all we had to do was nail our presentation. Unfortunately, I was slightly doubtful that all would go smoothly.

Finally, the time came. We marched up to the front of the classroom and launched into our presentation. To my surprise, nobody was stuttering and everyone had somehow reached inside themselves and found a streak of confidence. We finished and Professor Middleton handed back our scores.

We had been docked only a few points. Closer inspection revealed they were partially due to the dress and appearance of the group. One girl's skirt was to flashy and the other girl's was too short to be BYU Honor Code appropriate. I wasn't really mad. We had scored well. I thought it was entirely too funny that we had stressed over what we were saying when we really should have been stressing equally over how we looked.

So what?

We prepared well for the presentation. However, we did not have all our bases covered. Dress and appearance was mentioned specifically and described in detail in the textbook. Obviously, we were not paying that close of attention.

Now what?

I remember one of the girls specifically asking me what she should wear. I said, "a skirt." From now on you can bet I will be more particular with my answer. I will still stress and worry about the oral presentation, but now I will pay special attention to the dress and appearance of the group. In short, I will never get docked for looks again.

Date Ideas

Earlier this week, two graduate students walked into several of my communications classes to encourage us to attend the Mormon symposium that happened Thursday and Friday. Professor Curtis, my Comms 101 instructor, told us to at least go to the screening of "Trapped by the Mormons". The film is one of the 30 or so movies still in existence from the 20s silent film era. "Trapped by the Mormons" also happens to be an anti-Mormon film dealing with a missionary who targets a young damsel to become his second wife.

Professor Curtis assured us that we would find it utterly ridiculous and would be talking about it all night. He said it might be a good group-date idea.

I ended up doubling with my roommate and taking a girl to the film. I was very nervous that the date would be a complete disaster. Who goes on a first date to a anti-Mormon silent film?

To my surprise, the movie was quite enjoyable. My date laughed throughout and seemed in good spirits afterward. We then went to ice cream and continued to talk about the movie and get to know each other better. I would have to say that the date was a success.

So what?

BYU offers a variety of performances, film screenings, concerts, plays, and operas. I was always wary of going, but now I would consider attending more. I see three benefits:

• They make great date opportunities
• I don't have to always fret about what we should do
• They are free
• I feel more cultured

Now what?

I should actually pay attention to the events listed on BYU's homepage more often. I should also read the emails sent from the BYU Arts Department instead of automatically deleting them.

I should also date more.

Look Ahead

I was certainly surprised on Wednesday when Professor Middleton announced that our Team Consulting Project was due a week from Monday. The same day, I realized that I had a rather nasty New Testament test on Friday, the 16 credit Spanish exam on Saturday, and a regular test for my Spanish class on Tuesday.

Not to mention, the five-page paper for my Comms 101 class due in two weeks or my New Testament paper due the same day. I also have a big advertising project due at the end of the month.

All these assignments sort of snuck up on me. I have my work cut out for me this month.

So what?

I should have planned ahead. I should have known what was coming and started working on the things I could.

Now what?

It's not too late to at least do a little planning ahead for the storm. In fact, I've already started. I already knocked out my New Testament test and the Spanish exam. Although I was completely exhausted and sick of homework, I just barely finished cranking out three pages of my five-page paper. That was on top of the team proposal I edited for M COM this morning and the creative strategy write-up I did for advertising. After I finish this blog, I plan to do my reading for New Testament and fill out my Spanish review.

The idea is if I can get enough accomplished now I can concentrate more fully on my advertising project. That is the most important thing I have to do because I plan on applying to the advertising program and this project is a big part of the application process.

I also won't get in this situation again. From now on I will look at the full syllabus for each class and plan accordingly.

Media Fast

Sunday through Tues of this week I did a media fast, which means no computer, no cell phone, no TV, no music, etc. I  had to do the fast as part of my Comms 101 class. I learned some valuable lessons about the advantages and disadvantages of going without.

Advantages

• I got more sleep. I couldn't waste time on Facebook, so I got to bed at a decent hour.
• No one could call and ask me to cover their shift for work.
• I spent more time reading the scriptures and writing in my journal.
• I spent more time face-to-face with actual people.

Disadvantages

• I couldn't confirm appointments and meetings. My home teaching appointment cancelled on me and I showed up anyway.
• I had to study for my tests without Power Point slides.
• I did not receive emails from my professors or my boss.
• I never had any idea what fun activities were going on.

So what?

I learned that my phone and email are very important in my life, not just for social purposes but for work and school. Facebook, on the other hand, is not essential.

Now what?

I had the most spiritual Sunday I've had in a long time. I should spend less time surfing the web and browsing through Facebook on Sunday and more time writing in my journal and reading scriptures. Also, if someone is nearby and I want to talk to them, I will go and knock on their door instead of texting back and forth. Personal contact is so much better.

Follow Through

I feel pretty foolish right now. My last blog was all about using snooze or resetting your alarm so you don't fall back to sleep.

Well, obviously I didn't pay that much attention to the "now what" because I fell asleep again. This time I didn't wake up until 6:47. My alarm sounded at 6:00 a.m., and as I switched it off I had the distinct impression I needed to reset it. But I ignored the feeling. I thought, "I'm not going to sit here in bed long." I promptly rolled over onto my knees to say my morning prayers. The next thing I knew, the clock had miraculously jumped ahead 47 minutes.

So what?

I was late to class again. Plus, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I realized the reason we do these blogs is to actually apply what we learn.

Now what?

From now on I will actually do what I post under the "now what" section of my blog. I will strive to capture the spirit of this assignment and learn from my experiences. I will also listen more closely to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Use the Snooze

My alarm went off at 6 a.m. As is habit, I quickly turned off the alarm. I'm not much of a snooze guy. But then I was hit by a wall of tiredness, and I thought to myself, "I'm just going to lie here for a minute."

That minute turned into 20. I don't know what happened. Suddenly, making it to my 7 a.m. Spanish class on time wasn't a reality, especially because I had to ride my bike.

So what?

I was late to class, missing important announcements at the beginning. Compositions were due that day and the professor had asked at the beginning of class that we underline all of the verbs. Had I not asked my friend what I missed, I would have turned in my assignment and gotten a bad grade.

Now what?

I definitely think that not making a habit of using the snooze is a good idea. But if I decide to lie in bed a while longer, I need to hit snooze or reset my alarm. Lying down without anything to wake you up--should an accidental nap occur--is a bad idea.

If you Snooze, you Lose

I waited to write this blog because I was excited to post about something I learned from General Conference. I ended up learning an entirely different type of lesson than I intended.

I chose to watch Conference in my pajamas, lying on the couch. That comfortable position turned out to be a very poor choice indeed. I woke up in the middle of Dallin H. Oaks' talk. I was extremely disappointed. He is my favorite speaker, and he seemed to be addressing current issues, such as divorce and gay marriage, that I was interested in.

So what?

If you snooze, you lose. I missed out on counsel from the Lord. I missed out on important messages given to us by church leaders.

Now what?

The lesson I learned shouldn't only be applied to church but also to work and school. I've fallen asleep in small classrooms before and I'm sure the instructors noticed. Falling asleep sends a message that the material being presented, or even the person presenting the material, is not important to you. So in the future I will sit up attentively in meetings and lectures and take notes. I can't afford to miss out on the important information, nor can I afford to look unprofessional and disrespectful in front of my peers, my leaders, my bosses, or my professors.

How to Take Tests

I have found the key to scoring well on exams in the Testing Center. You must develop a unique routine and stick to it every time.

The following ten steps, in this precise order, make up my routine for taking tests:

1. If you have multiple tests in a week, decide which test will be the most difficult take and study for that one first. Get the hard one out of the way.

2. Fill out and memorize the study guide. You can expect that all the concepts on the study guide will be on the test. Sometimes the exact questions from the study guide will be on the test, and those are easy points.

3. Review the Power Point slides from class if they are available. If it is important enough to cover in class, it is important enough to be on the test.

4. Buy a package of Pop Tarts before you walk in the door. Eat one. The other one will be your reward after the test.

5. Walk in the Testing Center like you own the place. Walk in like you are about to take the easiest test ever.

6. Sit down and say a silent prayer. If you have done all you can to prepare, you have the right to God's help.

7. Use the same pencil on every test you take in a semester.

8. Begin the test. Skip the hard questions and come back to them later. Once you fill in a bubble, commit to your answer and don't change it. The only exception is when another question directly answers one of the previous questions on the test.

9. Turn in you test. Walk down the stairs and look for the words "Fantastic!" or "Great job!" on the TV monitor. You will be able to locate your score easier.

10. Call you mom and tell her how well you did. She will be proud.

So what?

Once a habit or routine is formed, tasks are accomplished with greater efficiency and effectiveness.

Now what?

I am going to trust in my routine. I think confidence in my routine will give me even greater confidence during the test. My routine has proven itself time and time again. I am not going to change something that works. I can also use my routine to help others do well on their tests. I am definitely going to recommend it to others. Lastly, I will develop routines for other aspects of school like homework.

Ultimate

I'm on an intramural ultimate Frisbee team. I must say, we're pretty good. Most of us have been playing together for a long time--minus a two-year break. However, we have always played casually. We were always competitive, but we were never sticklers on rules.

We won our first game. We were feeling really smug because we were down 1-5 at the beginning of the game but came back to win 12-9. After practicing over the weekend, we were feeling confident about Thursday's game. We came out strong. In less than five minutes we were up three-zero. But then they started calling fouls.

We were super annoyed because one of our players got hit hard on one of the plays. He good-naturedly said he was fine and told the other guy not to worry about it. Right after that, my friend caught a frisbee while running and took a second to come to a complete stop. One of the opposing team members yelled, "Travel!" We couldn't believe our ears. Then, one of our players slightly bumped another guy in the end-zone and he called pass interference. Even though the other team was playing even dirtier than we were, we resisted calling fouls.

So what?

We lost.

Now what?

If we are going to enter a competition, I guess we have to know the rules. I wasn't completely sure the other team wasn't making up rules. But in a game where no referee is provided and you call your own fouls, reviewing the rule book would be a good idea. Apart from that, we need to learn how to man up and call fouls, epecially if the other team is going to play that way.

Last of all, we need to take out our frustration on this week's competition.

Good one, Lance

I am currently employed at the Cougareat on BYU campus. In order to work in food, you have to go through extensive, online trainings that are a huge pain. One of those trainings is cashier training.

I decided to get a head-start on the the trainings awhile ago. I watched the cashier training video and checked it off my list. But then, two weeks later I realized that there was an online certification test that needed to be completed with the training video in order to be fully qualified to be a cashier. I went to review the material but the site wasn't working. I couldn't remember everything from the video, but I figured that the test couldn't be too hard. I took the test and failed.

But I just clicked on the test and started again. I failed again.

Then I failed again.

After another attempt, a message box appeared that said I had attempted the test too many times. I still hadn't passed, and now I couldn't take it anymore. Good one, Lance.

Now what?

I didn't get fired, at least. I emailed my boss and she said I had to go schedule an appointment with the head money lady and take the test with her. Great. From now on, however, I will call IT Tech before I get impulsive and take a test unprepared. I will at least call my boss before I'm in the hole. I need to be ready, in general, for Internet failure. It's a common occurence. I will never put my employment at risk because of a computer malfunction.

My Top 4 Stresses of School

College can be very stressful. I've reviewed my week and have pinpointed the top four sources of my stress (not necessarily in this order):

1) I have a class at 7:00 a.m. three times a week and I'm tired.
2) On top of work, I have work training, which I have to do in my own time and still get all my homework done.
3) I'm having a difficult time balancing all my classes and remember what is due and when.
4) According to the Prophet, I'm supposed to be searching out my eternal companion and I barely have any free time.

So what?

1) Next semester I will be home during registration instead of on my mission. Mom will no longer be in charge and I can eliminate that unfortunate decision.
2) I need to focus on getting all the trainings done and out of the way. Once that happens, I will free up a lot of space in my schedule.
3) I need to print out the syllabus of each class and stay organized. I can also designate a specific time in my schedule to do the assigments that reoccur weekly.
4) Instead of heading for the first empty chair I see in class, I need to look around and sit by the potentials. I need to be more picky about who is in my study group.

Come Prepared

The assigned reading on grammar principles was really confusing. Or maybe it was grammer principals. I got to the review questions at the end of the chapter and was having a very difficult time answering all of the questions. It was late. I was tired.

I made a decision. I thought to myself, "I'm sure we will cover these principles in class and I will gain a better understanding." I went to bed. Well, actually I got on Facebook and then went to bed.

Little did I know that we would be having a quiz in class on the grammar principles.

So what?

From now on I will be more careful to insure - I mean, ensure - that I can answer all of the questions before coming to class. If I have to read the chapter again, so be it. I will come to class prepared and I will ace the quiz. Hey look, that last sentence was a compound sentence.