Relationships

I went to an Elder's quorum activity this morning. We had several different trainings. One was given by a marriage and family therapist named Daron. He trained on relationships and how to be properly attentive and responsive. I think I learned more about relationships in that 20 minutes than I ever have in any activity or dating workshop I've ever attended.

The thing that stood out most to me was that we need to just listen sometimes rather than offer solutions.

Daron gave us this example:

A girl comes to her boyfriend (or husband) and says, "Angie found out what I said about her and I'm super embarrassed. I'm afraid it's going to damage our friendship."

The boyfriend/husband can answer one of two ways:

1. "Why don't you just call her and apologize?"
2. "Wow. That sounds super complicated. I'm sorry you're in that situation."

In this case, the girl isn't really looking for your advice (unless she specifically asked for it). What she really wants is consolation and empathy. I, being somewhat insensitive, would have probably been dumb and responded with the first option.

So what?

Listening is the most important thing in a relationship. Listening is essential to good communication.

Now what?

I started dating a girl about three weeks ago. Now I know how to appropriately respond when she comes to me with a problem. I will offer solutions only when she specifically asks. Otherwise, I will simply listen with genuine concern and try to be understanding.

Making this Blog Worthwhile

Trying to come up with this blog on the spot every week is starting to get complicated. Every Saturday I think, "Ah man! I haven't posted my blog for M COM yet." That moment happened again just three minutes ago. This blog assignment is like an annoying little dog that keeps coming back no matter how far you throw the stick. I like the assignment but I don't think I'm going about it right.

So what?

I am not giving this assignment enough attention to really get some meaning out of it. I am not thinking about it at all except when I'm going to turn it in.

Now what?

I need to be aware during the week of experiences that I can write about. Then I don't have to sit here at the computer and try to remember what I learned during the week. Usually my brain is so fried by Saturday that remembering experiences becomes difficult.

If I have this assignment in mind during the week, then I can jot a simple reminder in my notebook anytime that I learn something valuable. When it comes time to post this blog, I can flip through my notebook and actually write something worthwhile. When I write something worthwhile, I will actually be moved to do something worthwhile as a result of this blog assignment.

I think that's the whole point.

Dress and Appearance Count

My M COM team and I gave an oral presentation in class this week. I was super nervous because, although we had run through the presentation a couple of times, ums and ahs were still apparent. I knew my segment well, but I have the tendency to rock back and forth on my feet when I speak in front of audiences. We had done our research well and written and excellent report. Now all we had to do was nail our presentation. Unfortunately, I was slightly doubtful that all would go smoothly.

Finally, the time came. We marched up to the front of the classroom and launched into our presentation. To my surprise, nobody was stuttering and everyone had somehow reached inside themselves and found a streak of confidence. We finished and Professor Middleton handed back our scores.

We had been docked only a few points. Closer inspection revealed they were partially due to the dress and appearance of the group. One girl's skirt was to flashy and the other girl's was too short to be BYU Honor Code appropriate. I wasn't really mad. We had scored well. I thought it was entirely too funny that we had stressed over what we were saying when we really should have been stressing equally over how we looked.

So what?

We prepared well for the presentation. However, we did not have all our bases covered. Dress and appearance was mentioned specifically and described in detail in the textbook. Obviously, we were not paying that close of attention.

Now what?

I remember one of the girls specifically asking me what she should wear. I said, "a skirt." From now on you can bet I will be more particular with my answer. I will still stress and worry about the oral presentation, but now I will pay special attention to the dress and appearance of the group. In short, I will never get docked for looks again.

Date Ideas

Earlier this week, two graduate students walked into several of my communications classes to encourage us to attend the Mormon symposium that happened Thursday and Friday. Professor Curtis, my Comms 101 instructor, told us to at least go to the screening of "Trapped by the Mormons". The film is one of the 30 or so movies still in existence from the 20s silent film era. "Trapped by the Mormons" also happens to be an anti-Mormon film dealing with a missionary who targets a young damsel to become his second wife.

Professor Curtis assured us that we would find it utterly ridiculous and would be talking about it all night. He said it might be a good group-date idea.

I ended up doubling with my roommate and taking a girl to the film. I was very nervous that the date would be a complete disaster. Who goes on a first date to a anti-Mormon silent film?

To my surprise, the movie was quite enjoyable. My date laughed throughout and seemed in good spirits afterward. We then went to ice cream and continued to talk about the movie and get to know each other better. I would have to say that the date was a success.

So what?

BYU offers a variety of performances, film screenings, concerts, plays, and operas. I was always wary of going, but now I would consider attending more. I see three benefits:

• They make great date opportunities
• I don't have to always fret about what we should do
• They are free
• I feel more cultured

Now what?

I should actually pay attention to the events listed on BYU's homepage more often. I should also read the emails sent from the BYU Arts Department instead of automatically deleting them.

I should also date more.

Look Ahead

I was certainly surprised on Wednesday when Professor Middleton announced that our Team Consulting Project was due a week from Monday. The same day, I realized that I had a rather nasty New Testament test on Friday, the 16 credit Spanish exam on Saturday, and a regular test for my Spanish class on Tuesday.

Not to mention, the five-page paper for my Comms 101 class due in two weeks or my New Testament paper due the same day. I also have a big advertising project due at the end of the month.

All these assignments sort of snuck up on me. I have my work cut out for me this month.

So what?

I should have planned ahead. I should have known what was coming and started working on the things I could.

Now what?

It's not too late to at least do a little planning ahead for the storm. In fact, I've already started. I already knocked out my New Testament test and the Spanish exam. Although I was completely exhausted and sick of homework, I just barely finished cranking out three pages of my five-page paper. That was on top of the team proposal I edited for M COM this morning and the creative strategy write-up I did for advertising. After I finish this blog, I plan to do my reading for New Testament and fill out my Spanish review.

The idea is if I can get enough accomplished now I can concentrate more fully on my advertising project. That is the most important thing I have to do because I plan on applying to the advertising program and this project is a big part of the application process.

I also won't get in this situation again. From now on I will look at the full syllabus for each class and plan accordingly.

Media Fast

Sunday through Tues of this week I did a media fast, which means no computer, no cell phone, no TV, no music, etc. I  had to do the fast as part of my Comms 101 class. I learned some valuable lessons about the advantages and disadvantages of going without.

Advantages

• I got more sleep. I couldn't waste time on Facebook, so I got to bed at a decent hour.
• No one could call and ask me to cover their shift for work.
• I spent more time reading the scriptures and writing in my journal.
• I spent more time face-to-face with actual people.

Disadvantages

• I couldn't confirm appointments and meetings. My home teaching appointment cancelled on me and I showed up anyway.
• I had to study for my tests without Power Point slides.
• I did not receive emails from my professors or my boss.
• I never had any idea what fun activities were going on.

So what?

I learned that my phone and email are very important in my life, not just for social purposes but for work and school. Facebook, on the other hand, is not essential.

Now what?

I had the most spiritual Sunday I've had in a long time. I should spend less time surfing the web and browsing through Facebook on Sunday and more time writing in my journal and reading scriptures. Also, if someone is nearby and I want to talk to them, I will go and knock on their door instead of texting back and forth. Personal contact is so much better.

Follow Through

I feel pretty foolish right now. My last blog was all about using snooze or resetting your alarm so you don't fall back to sleep.

Well, obviously I didn't pay that much attention to the "now what" because I fell asleep again. This time I didn't wake up until 6:47. My alarm sounded at 6:00 a.m., and as I switched it off I had the distinct impression I needed to reset it. But I ignored the feeling. I thought, "I'm not going to sit here in bed long." I promptly rolled over onto my knees to say my morning prayers. The next thing I knew, the clock had miraculously jumped ahead 47 minutes.

So what?

I was late to class again. Plus, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I realized the reason we do these blogs is to actually apply what we learn.

Now what?

From now on I will actually do what I post under the "now what" section of my blog. I will strive to capture the spirit of this assignment and learn from my experiences. I will also listen more closely to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.